When you become a mom, it can be really easy to always put yourself last. And even sometimes not consider yourself at all.
I’ve been a mom for over 4 years now. And quite a bit of that time was spent exactly the way I just explained.
I’m going to keep it real for you. I’m a stay at home mom. I had days when I didn’t shower, didn’t eat right, didn’t get dressed, skipped a doctor or dentist appointment I should have went to, didn’t get enough exercise, didn’t get enough sleep and didn’t get enough ME time. The list can go on and on. And some of these are things we wouldn't ever want other people to know about! But as moms, we rationalize it, because we are so focused on the kids. Sound familiar to anyone?
I started to feel like I was a shadow of my former self. I was doing more than I had ever done, in the aspect of taking care of one, and then two little children. But I was doing very little for myself, and I started to feel a bit lost.
Then it hit me. We are not being heroes by giving up everything for our children. I don’t know why, but it sometimes feels like we are doing this noble thing. But then you find yourself burnt out, stressed out and frustrated, and feel like there has to be another way.
I was determined to find a way to not only be a mom, but be ME, an individual that had more going on in her life than just serving her children.
And please don’t twist this. My kids are MY WORLD. But this mama needed some independence and freedom of her own. Everyone needs an outlet. If you want to keep your sanity that is!
I think Janene Wolsey Gaadsgaard said it best - “In the end, I am the only one who can give my children a happy mother who loves life”. This is such truth.
As moms, we need to invest in ourselves too, find our fulfillment and happiness, and THEN, we can show up as the best version of ourselves for our children. When I wasn’t properly caring for myself, I did not have the energy, patience or attention that my kids truly deserved.
I started to really understand that self care isn’t selfish. It’s essential to be the best version of yourself.
So I started investing back into myself. Started to find those things that brought me joy, and lit me up.
I did things on my own. I took breaks from my children. I started picking up my own hobbies. And when we were all back together, I KNOW they saw the difference. I sure FELT the difference!
When you take care of you, everyone is going to win. Lean in, and don’t be afraid to ask for help, and a little time alone.
Go to the gym. Take your mother-in-law up on that offer to give you a night off. Find a sitter or daycare. Go to Target by yourself. Sign up for a class. Get out in nature. Have a moms night out and have your significant other watch the kids. It takes a village, and as moms, we don’t need to do it all alone!
And if you are thinking right now, “I can’t”. Well yes, then it’s not going to happen. Because you are already putting limits on yourself. I’ve been there too, so I’m not judging.
My kids were basically never watched by anyone but our immediate family. But I was also going slightly mad not having any down time, and it just wasn’t feasible anymore. So I had to figure out a way to make it work. And I know that money can also be a factor. But if that seems to be a roadblock for you, here is an idea. Find another mama friend and arrange a sitter trade. Let her go out kid free while you offer to watch her kiddos (its one night and will be well worth the reward), then swap and she will do the same for you. Find solutions, not obstacles and get creative!
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and especially as it pertains to being a mother. I know this practice of self care and discovery has made all the difference.
You have SO much love in your heart mama….it’s time to give some of it to yourself. Go DO YOU! The kids...they are going to be fine. And they will probably like the break too.
I’m curious, have you ever felt this way? What are some things you do to better take care of yourself? Share in the comments so we can share ideas with each other!
And for a little extra support, don’t forget about our Rose Quartz handmade stack necklace! Rose Quartz helps us discover the ability to love ourselves and makes us more open. It helps us realize that all change is important, even difficult change. It stimulates love and tender appreciation of all things. The leaf is symbolic of personal growth. It's the perfect accessory if you are looking to manifest the best version of yourself, and focus on personal development and self care. Wear it on your neck as a daily reminder.